Confused

This is mainly directed at all of my male friends. Steve Harvey said a man cheats because he can and because there is always a woman willing to be a participant. From past experience I can say that is true but fellas answer me this: If a man is getting everything he needs at home (dinner, clean clothes, good loving, holding down the bills when needed, etc) why step out??? I mean really, why go elsewhere? It's so much harder for a woman to recover from such a cruel blow. I mean, honestly, I have thought and looked and tried to figure out what it was about me that made him go elsewhere. I've had friends (male and female) tell me that it wasn't me. That it was him. On some level I believe them, but there's still that little voice that says there was something about me that wasn't good enough. Past all of that, what do you do when the cheater wants to work it out???? How can I as a smart, well-educated woman want to subject myself to that again? I realized so much once I became single again. Like, I had lost myself in him. My opinions and thoughts didn't matter. There was no compromise. I was slightly brainwashed. I felt myself becoming one of those women who end up in those relationships you see on Maury. Being told what to wear, constantly checking in, constantly explaining myself. It was the grace of God that made me realize that this is not what I'm supposed to be going through. I took the relationship as a learning lesson of what NOT to accept in the future. This may not make sense to some...I know I've rambled and switched topics more than a little bit but I just had to know...why would a man cheat on a good woman??????????

Living This Day Like.....

This post will not be my own writing....this post is a beautiful piece of work written my someone I consider my own personal angel.....Her name is Lady E and keep your eyes open....she's gonna be a well known person one day!.. Erica continue to spread your message of love, hope, and redemption.....I love ya girl!

I'm living today like it was my last
Taking the time to reflect from my past
I choose to remember the times that I laughed
I'm choosing right now to let go of the bad
So with these words I'd like to give thanks
A lyrical hug filled with love and much thanks
I praise God for you and I thank Him that I
Do not have to live on wondering if I
Was accepted by those who I wanted to love me
In my mid-thirties I finally see that He loves me
He showed me His love when He said I forgive
Then He touched me where it hurt so His love I could feel
So with these words I hope that you
Can feel the love of God regardless of the pain that we went through
Pastor Scales I know that you're real
A man of God; filled with much zest and much zeal
A man of faith and you walk the walk
You're not like others who just talk the talk
You show that you love and you readily forgive
Never throwing people away and I've seen how you live
You stay accountable to God; what more could one ask
You never quit on your dream; God equipped you for the task
So as I live this day like it were my last
I say, thank you Pastor Scales for forgetting my past
Thank you to all my foes and enemies
If it weren't for you I wouldn't know that Jesus was a true friend to me
Thank you God for allowing my son
To show your love to me as so many countless times he has done
You instilled in Daniel a love that cannot be shaken
He has a love that is true it cannot be faked and
He has godly compassion and a real concern for others
I've seen him give away clothes and shoes to single mothers
My son is loyal; he does what he says
He never complained those times I couldn't buy any bread
Even with the small things my son says, "Mama, thank you"
Never once has he cause me heartache, Lord I thank you
He's easy to please; not easily touched
When I tried to buy him expensive things he said, "That's alright mama, it costs too much"
When I ran out of money and needed some gas
The ten dollar bill I had given him weeks earlier; he gave it back and I didn't even ask
God you made Daniel a blessing and all that I ask
Is that you join him to a blessing as I live this day like my last
Thank you Michelle and brother Mike
Thanks for the times you helped when my finances took a hike
Thanks to my aunt and uncle who
Took me in when the state could have claimed me too
I could have been a statistic; just another number
But God touched a man's heart and kept me out of that concrete jungle
Thanks to the ones who made an impact on my life
Only a few and I'm forgetting the strife
Cause I'm living this day like it was my last
And for a brief moment I'm forgetting the bad of my past
I'm pushing it out of mind like sheriff's do evictions
Serving papers on the past like what truth do to superstitions
Just wanted to share what my heart has carefully masked
It's now out in the open; I'm living this day like my last

Love Sucks

why is it so hard to get closure after ending a relationship? Dealing with the person becomes a necessity when there are children involved. try as i might, it is so hard to shield and protect my heart from the one person who had it for 3 years. why is it that just when you think your heart can't hurt anymore something comes along and its like the hole has been ripped open again. this might be a pity post. it might not. all i know is that i'm tired of hurting. i don't want to be one of those women who becomes bitter after heartbreak but i can see how it happens. and why is it that the heart refuses to listen to the mind when you tell it not to care anymore? how do you just stop loving/caring about someone after all that time?????? guess that's the million dollar question...

WTF?????

i was blessed today to read a very interesting blog (http://bluesodacake.wordpress.com) regarding Tela Tequila. i can't believe some find this chick attractive. there is nothing appealing about dumb/ignorant people. tela basically feels that because she has a vagina that she should be able to use it to get ahead. not her mind, her intellect, talent (if she had any), nothing.......and what kills me is that our kids watch people like her on MTV and think their behavior is acceptable and ok to do. just some random thoughts during lunch.....maybe i'll post again....

This is not a pity post

I have heard that it takes time and patience to get over a broken heart. Does the same apply if it feels like your heart has been ripped out and all that's left is a jagged hole where it used to be?? I guess I'm just thinking that when you invest time with someone it's with the expectation that it will go somewhere. When it doesn't.....I guess, for me, at 28 years old and 2 kids that I'm not all that excited about single nor am I excited about dating again. It's so much different when children are involved. In my eyes it makes dating harder because you can't just bring random people around your children. I look at my son everyday and think your dad should be here. Life for us was not supposed to go this way. I should still have my family all under the same roof. All I can do is pray and ask God to order my steps down the path he wants me to travel. But dammit, love hurts.